Peter Case

Notebook

Dylan (the gifts)

The companionship of Watching The River Flow, later Tangled Up In Blue, and others—Dignity I pulled the car over when I first heard it on the radio—Jokerman–I brought home and alone listening was transfixed—it was riveting—so alive—earlier I learned that white & black folk music go together—that the sound of the words is as important as anything—somehow it led me to Shakespeare—Kerouac also a part of this—the WORD—Eliot as a kid—Stevens—now Notley—that life is an adventure, an opportunity, is important.    Life—is holy—Death so powerful—the mystery—anima—the invisible world—the champions of civil rights—the dignity & value & stature he brought to rock & roll & folk—music etc—is no small thing—he made me want to live, to strive, to contend—wisdom of the street—the vision the powerful sweep & scope—Chimes of Freedom—It’s All Right, Ma—Baby Blue—he sang for freedom of the spirit & the soul—”the guardians and protectors of the mind”–“it is not he or she or them or it that you belong to”– ““an’ mine shall be a strong loneliness dissolvin’ deep/t’ the depths of my freedom/an’ that, then, shall/
remain my song”

–“don’t put on any airs when you’re down on Rue Morgue Avenue”—“when you ain’t got nothing, you ain’t got nothing to lose” —“she’s got everything she needs she’s an artist, she don’t look back” —“she never stumbles, she’s got no place to fall”–  like Bob in ’64-’65—(“he never stumbled” said Penny)– when I was a teen—“somebody got lucky but it was an accident”–  “goin’ back to New York City I do believe I’ve had enough”– (marvelling at the chaos of life & New York.) The beauty of Girl From The North Country—Went To See The Gypsy hit me in my 1971 isolation—at my biker friend Rose’s Cadillac dealership, waiting in the parking lot for her to get off work– in the days before I left town for good—the last song that moved me like that for a while—’til Billy—which also I loved & identified with–Billy’s trouble as I was on the lam 70’s style—so vivid & finally got that great inscription in the pink lyrics book perused at the SF bookstore two thousand miles from my home—“to all those high on life—from all corners of the wild blue yonder.”

*  Long Time Gone, an early Dylan song, from my cd “HWY 62” on Omnivore Recordings, 2016.

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Puppy

in my arms a warm & quivering vibration of life and heat & emotions—the smell of dust & fields in summertime—a scent of shampoo—the soft funny rising of the ears at sounds  wiggling & waggling & settling into my fold—her eyes are bright & glittering—innocent in their return—the tail a pointed snaky thing—a flag on a stick—black paws—soft & shiny—leathern—and pure white pointed teeth—sharp— a slight little gnawing & your hand is drawing back in a hurry the crunching teeth on a wooden toy—she leaps up & kisses me on the mouth—wetness all over—& pfui—I don’t want her germs in my mouth—but it’s ok & her wet nose against my dry skin—it’s cool—she’s down & running circles until I’m dizzy—spinning & dodging through our feet—barking a high pitched yip & a yowl like talking—I feel calm & happy holding her our love begins to kindle.

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Tour’s over/ Bill Evans

Bill Evans if you’ve ever fallen in love with someone and its late at night & time stops–the futures beautiful but sad and pretty complicated the way the moments of glory become the next moments of doubt–life & death putting off the disaster–the reckoning–the bill will come due–the piper will be paid in full at midnight—tho’ the air is clear the horns are muted the traffic outside occasional–a whoosh & the moon crawls over–the stars wheel & you fall asleep earlier than me it’s all worth it to be here with you–it’s ok we’ll pay & live to see another day–some better & some worse blue shades drawn green sky at dawn & the moments balanced on a crescent. A kiss the touch of your skin the beating of our hearts–our breaths entwined it’s good now & true forever as the clock turns eternity on its wheel [head] I don’t know what will happen–we’ve thrown the dice–picked up the phone & dialed heaven—there will be a moment and a series & an epoch—the night will answer our fears & it’s on our side no running now stand up and take it–three a.m. forever–melts into lessons–trials melt into sentences–sentences into freedom and we’re free to love forever, tonight

Blue In Green:

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Dionysius–calling on line 2

the one who led you on into the night following a musical call—we poured our hearts out into the charge of the air—gave up the separations & intellectual positions & walls of reserve—it melted at the pitch & we all went with it—there was no right or wrong—no individuals, just waterfalls of roaring sound—a surrender to the light & the rumble of quick silver, mercury, molten steel, red elastic, death defeated just for a while, lost the voice talking to me now its drained out—these were the moments we chased—loud electric rock & roll—a mess—no concise message but a big fat head & mouth—rewarded by the love & charm of the crowd—they crushed together too, in the heat, the jostling, the tight contact of bodies—nothing reserved nothing hidden—& the music hit moments where it seemed to create itself—spring out of there with new power—I’d always hold a little back—style in these moments—the jacket shed     the hair      sweaty & messed  the roar of guitar feedback  & drum rolls      Dionysius—God against death—the poison the trance the escape—

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I didn’t know…

what I didn’t know

where the roads through town wound up

how far away you could get in just a little time

people would smile but not mean what they say

others would frown but not let you down

the power of even the smallest creature in the world

I didn’t know why I should go to school

or why it was time to go home

who shot the Kennedys and Martin Luther King

what they were doing upstairs

made a lot of noise but the sounds were strange

I didn’t know I’d remember you for the rest of my life

I didn’t know I’d regret the way I didn’t step up or out

I was a coward then I didn’t want to be alone

I never really got back then that we all grow old & die

or how fast the stream of time rolls by

I thought I could handle the juice

but it would manhandle me

I didn’t know how much I’d struggle

to carry that old guitar

those days we’d traipse across the city long

with a guitar stretching my arm

I still didn’t know

what the people upstairs were up to

with that crazy electric sound

that the old people hadn’t always been old

that the big war was fought just a few short years before

why he wanted me to move in at the house

we’d stop talking & run

didn’t know the world could feel this dangerous

that he’d be shouting at the end of his speech

how little I’d remember of the things that meant so much

how much I could love a dog

the city I knew vanished when I went down South

a lot of these times would become stories

and the stories became cliches

I didn’t know they’d have to operate

didn’t know I’d feel this beat

didn’t know the trends I thought were bad

would rise up & take control

I didn’t know I’d need to know your birthday

didn’t know I’d get so blue

didn’t know relief was just a prayer away

I could ask at any time for relief

all you got to do is ask

I could start my day again

didn’t know to start this one right

didn’t know I’d need gratitude.

I thought I knew but didn’t

who was coming down the street

or listening from the back of the room

or that day we said goodbye on Broadway

was the last time that we’d ever meet

didn’t know I’d be wondering about you

didn’t think I could know what to do

life is lived in the moments

lines are collected on scraps

friends are all friends forever

there are places you can’t find on maps

there are secrets that won’t be

I didn’t know I’d have enough money

to survive even tho’ I went broke

I couldn’t see how my mother & father

could have acted that way & not choked

the ones that we paid scant attention

are the ones who would bring the house down

I didn’t know I coulda taken it easy

& let the whole world come my way

I was confused & deceived in my thinking

somehow I gave all my power away

oh well there’s always…today.

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What I sing about…

my themes from the first— time passing, watching the clock in a confined and false reality—trusted friends, soldier boys who stand aloof from the world—love as masquerade—hanging in & hangin’ on—hoping for a change a miracle–looking romance in the eye—watching the streets & the horizons—for a shift—resentment at police pressure on my dream life & physical existence—time and distance—seemingly impossible to bridge—stranded—need for love—the escape of prisoners—the dream going bust after going for broke–a magic touch—impossible situations against terrible odds, slim chances seized—escape routes in everyday life—justice—it’s perversion and potential—desperate situations met with a plea for simple magic-like talk—reaching out to the sidewalk refugees & closet suicides offering a spiritual solution & some companionship—the surrealism of Big Town Saturday Night  America, of small town walkers on that same big evening—staying out all night avoiding the curfew—under stars & streetlights  the waxing & waning moons—desperate attempts against time, isolation, “normal” life, longing for beauty contact & love with the sympathetic spirits—the victims of violence struggle for sanity, serenity, dreams, visions, reality.

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Primitive

primitive—from the heart the parts the tongue of your enemy licking you—physical not diffused through prismatic gimmicks—from low below the belt—courageous—or? impulsive simplicity—directness—sweat on the brow—bursting against the seams—hungry—the lunge of need—fear of eclipse—dancing to extinguish terror—sex over death—ego over sacrifice—Jesus not a primitive—Holy Ghost? fighting with your own self—dirt—blood—saliva—come—raised voices chanting—wood smoke—torches—heavy drumming on logs—poison leaves—itching from teas—fear of strangers—not arguing the points!—no poetry outside of desire—descriptions of fulfillment—wonder at sexual favor ok—amazement of size—power of personality—deep feeling—Justice?—not about memories but in the present—breathing through nose hairs—the surprising sensation of a punch in the nose —the heat felt in dryness—watching through windows after dark.

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The Nerves On Folsom and Third–1975

Folsom St.   Nerves —’70’s

a beat up building on Folsom Street

cars rush by late for the freeway

late for the bridge

trash in the street cracks in the window

& every player in the band

lives on a separate floor

aligned by the window well

A bass amp on the floor

pressed into service as a coffee table

linoleum asbestos & an old junk tv

tuned to the all night movies (movies ’til dawn)

a beat up record player & speakers

& my kitty cats torment the puppy

(who howls when they slap him

with their claws outstretched)

& Jack & Connie are yelling again fighting again

round & round shouts down the well

I had an onion Paul had a spud

& we fried ‘em up in oil

with catsup borrowed from Clown Alley

San Francisco—the ’70’s—a city of outlaws

the West—drifters & outsiders

rents are cheap & we’re passing the days

in a basement

hours of rehearsal while

the clock tower on a downtown bank

ticking the hours by   ten or sixteen

nothing in the fridge  nothing in the cupboard

no books on the shelf

no money but time

dreaming up songs that somehow limp back

we laugh together it works sometimes

working hard for hours but it’s a lonely group

something out of nothing that’s how to write songs

it’s always amazing when something happens

& I hear them laughing.

 

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Road to Recovery

out on the chilly winds  & fog—the breakers breaking the waves waving goodbye & the whales wailing under the railings of the golden alley bridge—a world wide -retro-coop, super group—a pox o’yr swindle yr bag of used tools—the prez is leering from a Lear jet—and cargo boats with soggy bottoms & pastel hills & primary containers jelly fish out into the harbor—pass water the gate & motivate—east to Hong Kong—Singapore—Peking don’t forget to duck—weighed down with boxcar size quantities of gargle, paddle balls looking for a racket, kittens prowl the poop deck, the first mate he got drunk, climbed a mast to masticate, wrote a letter to the magistrate, bought a parcel of promised land by the acre–by the time I got to the taste of ashes–songs composed on ouija boards, the ouija bored itself—the ships cutting through the scar & sky blue empress of the package & always lick your stamps before dropping them in the box–Mr Lucky Reels, the Hambone Sisters grimace, Skye Page gathers trinkets, soldiers on glass elevators throw stones at Billy Boy who drools like a crooner.

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“some egotistical degraded existentialist dionysian idiot” *

talking louder than you & you never have his attention, it’s a no-reply zone & its hopeless, you can tell by the tics of his face, the turns of his head to watch anything but you, you’re not equals and there will be no conversation. Laws don’t apply & why should they I wanted to be your friend back when you presented the humble persona, lips composed in a tight smile, the one yr women like, you figure—egotism works for a living & sings for its supper but now theres no control—yr always helpless in the face of yr next whim—yr like a coach delivering a pep talk all day—you speak to people as if they’re an adoring crowd—belief in nothing is possible under special circumstances—the jungle powers effect—big beasts only need apply—scrutiny dampens desire—but its all about the performance—in bed devolving into a service job for someone—constant lies are necessary now—its all about the attenuated attention span—the inability to listen to another  to read the situation—its the end of the day so you do the little things you like to do—but sleep won’t come yr mind is racing from a sleight—brush yr teeth polish yr nails—or better yet—have one of your professionals do it—there’s no replacement for quality.

 

* quote is from Bob Dylan’s World Gone Wrong liner notes.

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